TJ had been talking to Nick Cave for some time now about turning his poems into songs. Nick seemed really keen on the idea and was leafing through the stack of pages. As TJ left he heard Nick mutter something about a poem being a great one for Neil Young to sing, which made TJ very happy. He moved around his apartment which was crowded with people as it was his party. Everyone seemed to know TJ and wanted to say hi; even though TJ didn’t recognize most of them it didn’t seem to worry him.

He stood for awhile on his own and looked around at the growing throng of people slightly surprised that his apartment could hold so many. He thought he recognized a person here and there but wasn’t sure. Was that the pizza delivery boy? And in the corner there seemed to be a man who looked like his doctor although why he would have invited him he wasn’t sure.

It was as he was gazing through the crowd he saw her. She was sitting on her own looking straight at him with just the hint of a smile across her face. She was wearing an impossibly tight pair of black jeans with high black boots, a black t-shirt with a picture of the rabbit from the movie Donnie Darko, just like his favorite one in his drawer. In fact the longer he looked at her the more he wondered if it was indeed his t-shirt that she was wearing. Her hair was long and black and she was wearing lots of dark eye shadow and a powerful dark red lipstick. He stared at her for a few minutes and suddenly felt a lot younger. He knew she was the one and he had to meet her. He tried to make his way over to her but people kept getting in his way wanting to talk to him. After pushing through the crowd for a few minutes he looked up and she still seemed the same distance away so he struggled on. Finally he was sitting next to her but just as he was about to talk to her, the band fired up. He looked up and was quite surprised to see it was Sonic Youth playing and he wondered when had his apartment managed to get a stage built in.

TJ turned to the girl, who sensing that talking was now impossible, simply put her arms around his waist and moved close to kiss him. Suddenly there was a sound much louder than the band and it was in his head. It sounded liked a swarm of bees all buzzing at the same time and it was getting louder and louder until…..

 

TJ slammed his fist down on the clock radio to turn the alarm off. His head ached and his body was sore as usual.

“Fuck” he yelled to no one in particular which didn’t help with the pain but strangely made him feel better.

He knew he had had a big night on the booze and he also knew that he shouldn’t have because whiskey, which was his drink of choice, reacted badly with his medications for his pain. He looked around his empty apartment and tried to remember what had made him drink so much last night. TJ got off his bed; he had been too drunk to get into it last night, and then made a rush for the bathroom. He just made it and spent a good ten minutes in there relieving his body of last nights binges. Finally he felt well enough to go to the kitchen and make a coffee, no thought of breakfast though as he didn’t think his stomach could hold it down. On the table he saw the last of last night’s pizza and a couple of letters. The first was a reminder that he hadn’t paid his gas bill, which wasn’t too bad; he stuck it onto the front of his fridge door so he would remember to do it when he felt better. The second letter made him remember why he had got so drunk last night. It was an invitation to one of his sister’s birthday party. The thought immediately filled him with dread. If he went it would mean being with people, most importantly his family. And if he didn’t go he had to come up with a great excuse, again.

'Me, I disconnect from you ' By Gary Numan

 

The alarm rang for days
You could tell from conversations
I was waiting by the screen
I couldn't recognise my photograph
Me, I disconnect from you

I was walking up the stairs
Something moved in silence
I could feel his mind decaying
Only inches away from me
And I disconnect from you

Please don't turn me off
I don't know what I'm doing outside
Me and the telephone that never rings
If you were me, what would you do?
Me, I disconnect from you